


pinky promise

by Anonymous



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, also it's not gay if you're doing it to yourself, with a hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-31 00:02:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Look, I’m you from, like, two months in the future, and I’ve figured out the coolest thing!”





	pinky promise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ashii Black (ashiiblack)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashiiblack/gifts).



> I started with your JJ/JJ prompt and it turned into this. Um, enjoy!

“The fuck-” JJ mumbles as he blinks awake to someone’s nudging him.

“Hey, man," they whisper, eager and earnest. "Wake up!”

JJ rolls over and it takes a while for his eyes to focus. He can’t see—no shit, it’s the middle of the night—but it's a guy with  a really-cool looking undercut who looks kind of like … wait. JJ peers at him. 

“Look, don’t freak out on me,” the other dude goes, this time at normal volume. His voice, too, is weirdly familiar. “I’m you from, like, two months in the future! 

_He’s what?_

"And I’ve figured out the coolest thing! Time travel!" Somehow, JJ has ended up in bed with a complete nutcase. "It’s ridiculously easy, it’s like in fucking Harry Potter, you just close your eyes and wish yourself where you want to be really hard, the only thing is, you need to believe it’s possible, that’s why it never works for anybody-”

Yup, insane. But at least he's not trying to kill him. 

“-but like, I knew it was possible cause I was you, right?" the other dude babbles. "I knew I came to visit myself so I had to keep trying-”

JJ tries to look past him to the alarm clock on his dresser. “Dude.” he interrupts, half-asleep. “It’s fucking-”

“-three a clock in the morning!” The guy finishes together with JJ, grinning like an idiot. JJ looks at his full lips, his white teeth. Nice jaw, too, if he says so himself.

JJ rubs his face because, you know. He went to bed alone, and now there's a stranger in his bed, talking about time travel. There’s a good chance if that JJ blinks hard enough, the other dude will disappear. 

JJ spends some time with his hands on his face. Then he peers. Nope. Still there, still grinning like a lunatic.

“Look, we shouldn’t waste time,” The dude says. “So, as I was saying, I figured out the coolest thing!”

Might as well humor him. “Cooler than time-travel?” 

“Yup! Get this: you know how you want to suck dick?”

JJ feels embarrassment cover him like a physical wave. “Dude if you’re going to-” 

“Hey, it’s no biggie man, I told you, I’m you. I know all the embarrassing shit.”

"Right, you're me from the future." JJ thinks it's probably why the guy sounds kinda off (there was an article about how you never really hear your own voice). Then he wonders if it messes up the space-time continuum when you punch yourself. “Look, man— _JJ_?—I don't know what your deal is, but I've got a girlfriend. I'm not gay.”

“But that's just it!" future JJ says—no, _ejaculates_. This is exactly what the word was made for. "It’s not gay if you do it to yourself!”

 _This_ gives JJ pause. It makes sense, or everyone who ever beat his own meat is a homosexual. But then-

"See? I totally have a point!“ Future JJ says like he knows exactly what JJ is thinking. Which, if he's really future JJ, he probably does. Even so, JJ can't stop thinking it. This dude has the exact haircut JJ likes best. If he's really JJ, he's got the exact _everything_ that JJ likes best. JJ knows  _exactly_ what his body looks like: the firmest muscles, the coolest tattoos.  _It says "JJ" on top of his ass_ , JJ can't help but think.  _H_ _is gorgeous, large skater’s ass_. JJ remembers getting that tattoo and admiring it in the mirror, awkwardly looking over his own shoulder and trying to tell himself that he didn’t mean for it to draw attention, (that deep down he doesn’t want a big, strong hunk of a guy to notice it and to want to-)

When JJ blinks himself back to present, other JJ’s still grinning. “I told you, man,” he says. Then his voice goes lower. “I know _all_ the embarrassing shit.”

And it does something to JJ, for someone to pin him with their eyes and go, _I know exactly the kind of perverted thoughts you're having right now_.

“You’re cute when you blush, man,” Other JJ says. “ _We’re_ cute when we blush.”

JJ licks his lips, swallows. He can't take his eyes off of his other self's face.

Future JJ licks his lips, too. “Imagine all the shit we can get up to between today and tomorrow morning. I'll even go first.”

JJ is imagining. That’s exactly the problem. 

Other JJ glances down at JJ’s dick tenting the covers, then glances back up, grinning.

JJ can't relax enough to find it funny. “Look, prove it to me,” he whispers. “That… you're me. That I'm you.”

Other JJ thinks for a second then bends down until his breath is hot at JJ’s ear. “Remember the first summer Otabek came over?"

 _Oh shit_ …

"You'd be awake in the middle of the night, thinking about how you wanted him to get up and walk across the room."

He did—and he never told a living soul. Never wrote anything down. There's only one person who is allowed to know about JJ's thing for Otabek and that is JJ. 

"You wanted his dick to be hard already, for him to be so thirsty after your ass he couldn't help himself. He'd be so desperate, he'd be leaking, and he'd come to your bed..."

JJ breathes hard and heavy. The rare fantasy he’d allowed himself—how it would be okay if Otabek started it, if he  _made_ JJ,  pressed him down and trapped his hands above his head so there'd be nothing JJ can do...

Other JJ goes on. “Remember thinking about him tying you up?”

JJ nods helplessly. And about Otabek fucking his mouth, and flipping him over and parting his ass—yes, fuck, JJ does fucking remember. He's half there—lying awake and wondering what it would be like if Beks tied him up while he was asleep and couldn’t do anything about it. (Because he wanted JJ that much; because he refused to have JJ say no. Because then Otabek could do anything he wanted to him, touch him anywhere, God, _put his dick anywhere_ and there’d be nothing JJ could do to stop him; if JJ didn’t agree, didn’t ask for it, couldn’t have fought back, then it was OK, it was fine, _JJ_ was fine, wasn’t _gay…_ )

Other JJ’s large, meaty palm—the same palm JJ thinks is quite manly, on himself—squeezes JJ’s hard dick through the duvet. JJ can’t help it; his breath hitches in his throat, his hips buck up.

“Do you believe me now?” Other JJ says, raspy, and JJ shakes his head, nods—ruts his dick up. It’s all he can do. “Want me to blow you?”

The world stops. It was JJ who said this; this came out of JJ’s own lips, and yes, JJ wants to get to blow a guy; wants to be on his knees, the smell all around him, someone pulling his hair, forcing the weight in, pushing it into JJ mouth, calling him a slut, to open wider-

"Shit," JJ says, and hopes his other self can hear the yes in it. 

Other JJ speaks, now a little quieter. “You can do that thing you wanted.”  Their eyes meet—it’s hard to see this much raw nakedness in his own gaze, but it’s fine. It’s all fine; this is only himself.

“Let me lean against the headboard and straddle my chest-” JJ tells his other self.

“Yeah. But then you do it to me, too.”

“You got it man.” Other JJ is also breathing heavy. It’s a relief, how it’s getting to both of them. He pets JJ's cheek. “Anything. Anything you ever wanted, you just ask me and I'll do it, and I’ll never tell anyone, I swear, man-”

JJ’s heart swells with _something_ ; this is suddenly about so much more than getting his mouth fucked. It’s about putting his hand on Other JJ’s—on _their_ —neck, about pulling his other self down and kissing the lips JJ knows so well from the mirror. It’s about knowing, better than _anyone_ , how big their heart is; how much JJ would do for the right guy, how much he’s got to give.

How much he’d had to give Beks, if Beks had only cared to take it.

“Aw, man,” Other JJ says, and JJ remembers that he lived through this; future JJ must know exactly what JJ thinks-

-and their lips close on each other; JJ might be crying, there might be fingers brushing the tears away from his face-

-it’s his first kiss, the first time he gets to kiss a guy, to feel another man’s weight press him down-

“Do you… do you get to come back? Or is it just now?” JJ asks, because knowing this feels important now, even more than sucking dick, more than all of the other things.

“I don’t know, but I’ll try, man, yea?”

“Yea.” Makes sense. It’s Other JJ’s first time, too—future JJ can't know, he's not lived up to that point yet.

“I’ll try again, as hard as I can, I swear-” future JJ says.

“I know.” JJ pets his own neck—because JJ, of all people, knows how hard JJ can work. “I know you will. I know when I live to that place, I’ll try my hardest, too.”

“Yeah, man,” Other JJ says through the same lump that’s in JJ’s throat—and again, they’re kissing. JJ is impatient, he wants it all, but he needs this. Needs to fucking take it _slow_ , like some _girl-_

“It’s OK,” Other JJ says. JJ breathes in and out. Of course his other self knows what he’s is thinking. “Anything you want, remember? We don’t have to be in a hurry. We can go for as long as we want.”

There’s that embarrassment again. Even if it’s just to himself, it’s hard to admit he wants it. Hard to face what it is he wants. A thought comes up, unbidden—what if Otabek wanted to do this? Lie with JJ and tell him, “It’s OK, I won’t tell anyone. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

Something hurts in the middle of JJ’s chest. Other JJ sucks in air, deep, as if he could breathe through it for both of them. “It sucks balls, man. I know.”

JJ breathes through it too, as he looks up at his own eyes. “I want to call him, sometimes. You know.”

“Yeah, man,” Other JJ says and his hand tightens on JJ’s. “I know.”

“I can’t…” JJ swallows. “I can’t hear him say he doesn’t like me.” It comes out hushed and low, the way one only sounds when one’s talking to oneself. “And-. I mean. Let’s face it. If he liked me, he’d be here.”

“I know, man.” Other JJ’s hand squeezes his. People don’t like JJ. Deep down, he knows this—knows to watch for when he’s become too much and others have gotten sick of him, for when he needs to go. It’s a hard thing to know, but he knows it nonetheless. He also knows that deep down, he’s good. He doesn’t love right—Izzy’s always looking at him all strict, having to tell him in words about all the hints that he’s not getting—but he knows that he loves deep. He’d give all his heart for his boyfriend—yes, boyfriend, fuck this shit, _boyfriend—_ if only someone—if only _Otabek_ -

JJ’s crying now, actually really, with big fat tears and his breath snagging in his throat. “I’m sorry.” He rubs at his eyes. “I totally ruined the mood-”

Other JJ _grins_. Honest to God. “Well. I knew you would ruin it, didn’t I. And I still came." Future JJ pets his cheek. "It's OK. I think it’s, like, important.”

“You’re such an idiot,” JJ tells himself. But it probably _is_ important, seeing how it’s been seven years and neither the Otabek thing nor the gay thing have gone anywhere at all. "We're both idiots."

“I know. Look man,” his other self says gently. “Let’s text him. It’s the middle of the day in Almaty.”

“But-” what if we do it wrong and say the wrong thing and we weird him out-

Other JJ kisses him again—and somehow it works to make him feel a little better.

“So here’s what I’ve been thinking,” Other JJ says. “What if we, like. Learn on each other. Blowjobs, and sex, and the like. Um, and it’s probably spoilers, but Izzy said we should go to therapy. And then we'll call him. Yeah? Promise, man. Pinky promise. We call Beks.”

JJ swallows. “We call Beks,” he says as he hooks their little fingers together.

 


End file.
